Been a year...

In multiple ways, its been (almost) a year since I posted last and its been a YEAR.

As I look back on the things I've written over the course of having this space, I can see a pattern. If I had a looking glass or been more aware I would have seen it then. Part ruination, part rebuild, part hurricane, yeah this year came in the same way its going out, baby followed by bathwater.

I take much of the blame for this on my own shoulders, broad as they may sometimes feel on my thin body, sometimes I just try to take on way too much. And when something falls from the sky on everyone's head I feel like I could have prevented it. Even if I wasn't alone in nudging the trajectory as I set down my tea.

And now as I step back and let things take their course as best I can, I still feel responsible. As I know that I'm not the only one who saw what was coming, I still feel at fault. Well, this minute anyway.

So many emotions, anger, despair, hope, and fear fight among themselves. Sometimes one overpowers another and moves to take on a third that may or may not succumb. The days go on and the balance of power shifts yet again and hope is nowhere to be found as anger stands in the middle of the ring, bruised and bloodied mostly by its own hand. Others hope stands alone in the center, all the others mentioned and new, temporarily blinded by it's radiance, until they realize that hope, although eternal only shines brightest for a short while.

Yeah so many metaphors, they do tend to muddle, don't they?

Its hard to be completely honest about your life when anyone with a computer and a little skill can find you out. I learned lately that it only takes one loose cannon to fire a shot that blows a hole in your life, another triggered by that in the center that sets itself off and decimates and scatters further. It only takes a single sentence, sometimes a single word, to hurt so many.

That, of course, is not where it all began, it began with me. So who's really to blame, the king or the courier. And which one am I?